Two Beats Off is the culmination of several different minds. We're a team of girls who act like boys and barely play by the rules. Whether you want to get to know us better or just find out who writes what, have a look here.
Ripper
I am Ripper, which may sound like a total tough guy nickname (or a pansy goth one), but it comes from my love of Buffy. My advice, Wikipedia it. Anyway, I like comics, video games, movies and pretty much anything that prevents me from getting a tan. My knowledge of 80's hardcore and 90s pop punk is bordering on encyclopaedic; it's a shame I can't apply this to my education. I'm straight-edge and have been for a loooong time. I can't be vegetarian because dammit, I like bacon too much. When I'm not rocking out, I like coffee, baking, and keeping it real.
About an adventure I approached an aardvark above an arboreal abyss.
After acquaintance with Alice the aardvark she amused me with how
arsenic arrests ATP assembly in animals and the applicability of acetic
acids. After her anecdote I advanced on my ascent of the Appalachians.
At the apex I was assaulted by an Aye-Aye adhering to an avocado asking
for an autograph. I awarded him an acrylic abstract piece of art to
amuse his arthropod allies. I admit I was allowing my alter ego to
access authenticity, but I did not appear abnormal, but actually aloof.
I
am an awesomely amazing, anachronistic alliteration adorer, aspiring
biologist, and you have my apologies for the allegory above. See A. Von Doll's contributions here email A. Von Doll
fightclubsandwich
I am
Ariane, student, so-called "closet goth", afficionado of bad puns,
compulsive bibliophile, pathological vegetarian,
egocentric megalomaniac etcetera. I like most kinds of music, but
especially OTT gothy electro or pop-punk bands that rip off the
Ramones. I am humbled by the very idea that people as kind as Ms Ripper
have let me on the internet to begin with. I am a chronic monger of
doom who dreams of being adopted by Henry Rollins. I would not lie to
you. I am currently in the equivalent of Alcoholics Anonymous but for
people who quote too much Arrested Development. I don't mind being
insulted so long as the insults are accurate and not just made up. I
don't like people who talk too loud when I am trying to type things in
public places. My favourite movie ever is Rushmore (second is The
Prestige). I am obsessed with Victorian Times and take my coffee black with
lots of sugar (usually). I am vain and own too many clothes, many of
which I sewed or knitted myself. I have a strict code of honour, which
means I will pay back any debts owed and will duel you if you really
piss me off (pistols at dawn, plz). I was born with no soul but these
are overrated anyway (I would only do something stupid like trade it
for Sandman comics).
Hello there, I’m Kitteh, the latest addition to the TBO team. I have a weakness for pretty men in eyeliner but spend most of my time growling along to sinister Scandinavian dirge. I like angry things, bouncy things, happy things and anything that involves a lute. I’m a clichéd pessimistic northerner with a deep mistrust for the south and their technological advancements. I also have a habit of swearing too much, but I try and reel it in when it comes to TBO. I like small cartons of fruit juice and any kind of food that is preceded by the word ‘mini’. I drink black coffee and pretend I’m profound... and that I know what a ‘latte’ is. I’m not good with pretentious people or scene kids that get in my way at gigs. I like giving inappropriate nicknames to people I barely know and naming inanimate objects (Hey there, meet my laptop: Stewart). I dress in black pretty much every day. It’s as much a style choice as one of laziness. I also like using the words ‘beef’, ‘epic’, ‘immense’ and ‘tard’ a little too much.
ace. 17. likes waistcoats, bowler hats and leggings. listens to the best bands you've never heard of. uses 80's slang but only ironically. trying to bring back finger guns. total dork at heart. wishes pabst blue ribbon was available in england. hates writing about herself. plans on living in brooklyn after uni. been a respected member of absolutepunk.net since age 14. writes about music, film and whatever else strikes a chord.
I go by Nox. I
have a playlist made up of songs specifically featured in movies about super
heroes. I am addicted to sweet tea
and smiles. I’m all about killing
zombies and bringing killer information to the masses about pop culture, pop
punk, and popcorn smacking flicks.
I look forward to spring for my birthday, summer for warped, fall for
school, and winter for fashion. I
stay busy in the best way, but I do my best to keep two beats off up to date on
everything I think anyone needs to know.
Though I tend to be consistently inconsistent Ripper loves me enough to
keep me around and I love what I do. So when I’m not kicking ass, I’m writing for you, so
stay tuned and stay classy ‘cause we’re all this world has left.
Each member of TBO has their own email address. Send them fan mail, hate mail, love letters or suggestions! ripper@twobeatsoff.co.uk - send any matters about publicity for your band/project, guest articles, affiliation requests and similar to this address. ninthandash@twobeatsoff.co.uk nox@twobeatsoff.co.uk fightclubsandwich@twobeatsoff.co.uk soufex@twobeatsoff.co.uk
